Worship - Sermons - 5/21/06

You’ve Got a Friend

John 15:9-17

William F. Schnell

May 21, 2006

A few weeks ago it was mentioned in a sermon that Jesus is not like a “fair-weather friend.”  Fair-weather friends are those who are always there whenever they need you.  But if you need them, they never seem to be around.  Speaking of fair-weather, that happens to be the name of the company repairing the church roof.  They went to work two weeks ago and, until yesterday, there hasn’t been any fair-weather.  But they are doing an excellent job as weather permits, and should not be confused with fair-weather friends.

As we look back over our lives, most of us can see a string of friends.  Some of them may have come recently into our lives--through church perhaps.  Other friends go way back.  They are the ones who have known us through the various ages and stages of our lives.  They remember how we looked in ‘70’s clothes.  They know our foibles and our failings and like us anyway.  They also appreciate our strengths and talents.  As one song puts it that we sing at church camp, “Make new friends, but keep the old.  One is silver and the other gold.”

Old friends are the gold standard friends.  These are the ones we should keep most carefully.  But it can be a challenge to keep old friends in this transitory world where we are regularly on the move.  Sometimes it is hard to stay in touch.  Sometimes our address books do not get updated with new information.  Sometimes a lot of life passes before we meet again.  Then we wonder just how well we really know this person that we used to know so well.

Other times, estrangements occur.  Somebody says a careless word that cannot be forgotten, or our confidence in that person is betrayed or a friend presumes upon our friendship by being quick to borrow and slow to repay.  As one American proverb puts it: “Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.”  Regardless of the reason for the estrangement between friends, it represents a loss for both—just as surely as losing silver or gold.

Sometimes we can find ourselves with no friends at all.  One of the hardships of growing into extreme old age is the gradual loss of all our friends to death.  My grandmother Minnie died when she was 104 years old—long after the loss of her dearest friends.  But even more tragic is losing all our friends for reasons other than death.  Many of the rich and famous people we see on TV are such tragic figures who have lost all the friends who knew them back when; back when they were regular guys and gals, back before their privileged status.

Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, was just interviewed on TV.  Guess who his closest friend is?  The second richest man in the world, Warren Buffett.  Warren is probably the only person not intimidated by Bill Gates, including all of Bill Gates’ former friends (some of whom knew him as a college dropout).  In his interview Bill Gates said he would prefer not to be the richest man in the world.  That may seem strange to some of us, but we do not know the sacrifices exacted by that all-too-lonely spot at the top. 

Maybe there are some here today who could use a friend in their lives—someone who accepts us just as we are, who knows us through and through, who is present in good times and bad, who listens and cares.  The title of our message is: “You’ve Got a Friend,” borrowed from a well-known James Taylor song.  I suspect you already know where this is leading.  You and I have a friend in Jesus.  We are going to explore what that means for us this morning, and we are going to find that friendship with Jesus has a lot to do with keeping, and even reestablishing our friendships with one another. 

Our text is part of a much larger discourse—Jesus’ final discourse with his disciples before his arrest and crucifixion.  His imminent departure is about to transform their relationship to a new level.  Jesus says to them, You are my friends if you do what I command.  I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business.  Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you (Verses 14-15). 

Up to this point Jesus has been the rabbi which, literally translated, means “my master.”  The disciples have been his servants.  Jesus tells his servants where to go and what to do and they obey him without question.  As the old Army saying puts it, “Ours’ is not to question why, ours’ is but to do and die.”  The servant is not privy to his master’s business or reasons behind his commands.  But in this final discourse, Jesus is explaining God’s plan of salvation, his own sacrificial role in it and some things the disciples can expect in their own lives.  In short, the disciples now know their master’s business because he is confiding in them as friends.

It is very common in Christian circles to speak of Jesus Christ as Lord or Master.  Here we have a biblical precedent for accepting Jesus as our Savior and Friend.  Some candidates for church membership or candidates for baptism might actually prefer to depart from the traditional vernacular and accept Jesus Christ as their friend, or make a witness about when they first accepted Jesus into their lives as their first and foremost friend.  They could certainly make a case for it based upon our text for this morning.

However, even friendship with Jesus involves obedience to his commands.  He says in our text, You are my friends if you do what I command (Verse 14).  Does this mean that the friendship Jesus offers is not unconditional friendship?  Yes, and if you think about it, all friendship is conditional.  Two people cannot be bound together unilaterally.  A person who stalks an unwilling partner is seeking an unhealthy unilateral relationship.  That person is being a stalker and not a friend.

Friendship requires a mutual commitment.  Friendship, not unlike a marriage, requires that two parties love each other.  Jesus says, My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  And in case we are wondering what it means to love each other as Jesus has loved us, he goes on in the next verse to tell us.  Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends (Verses 12-13).  To summarize, Jesus says, “To be a friend of mine you must be friends of one another.”  Any friend of Jesus’ must be a friend of mine.  “Further,” he says, “you must love one another.”  “Finally, you must love each other as I have loved you – with a self-sacrificing love.”

What does it mean to lay down our life for our friends?  There is a story of a soldier who asked his officer if he might go out into the "No Man's Land" between the trenches in World War I to bring in one of his comrades who lay grievously wounded.  "You can go," said the officer, "but it's not worth it.  Your friend is probably killed, and you will throw your own life away."  But the man went.  Somehow he managed to get to his friend, hoist him onto his shoulder, and bring him back to the trenches.

The two of them tumbled in together and lay in the trench bottom.  The officer looked very tenderly on the would-be rescuer, and then he said, "I told you it wouldn't be worth it.  Your friend is dead and you are mortally wounded."  "It was worth it, though, sir," he said.  "How do you mean, 'worth it'?  I tell you your friend is dead."  "Yes, sir," the boy answered, "but it was worth it, because when I got to him he was still alive, and he said to me, 'Jim, I knew you'd come.'"

That is one way to lay down one’s life for one’s friend, and certainly one we can appreciate as Memorial Day approaches, but it is not the only way.  There are other ways to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of friendship.  We can sacrifice our pride, for starters, and our need to always be right.  It is one thing to be frank with our friends about certain blind spots in their lives, and even stretch the limits of friendship to open their eyes to clearly self-destructive behaviors.  It is another thing to expect perfection from them.  If we expect our friends to be perfect, we are not going to have any.

Sometimes we have to sacrifice being right even when we are.  Sometimes our friends are not ready to confront certain issues in their lives and need time to grow in their self-understanding.  The more arguments we “win” under such circumstances, the fewer friends we will have.  Much better to sacrifice our need to be right under those circumstances and avoid particularly sensitive subjects for the sake of preserving friendship.  Perhaps in God’s good time our friends will recognize their own blind spots and come to appreciate our restraint all the more.

Besides, we all have blind spots in our lives and we most certainly have friends who see us more clearly than we see ourselves.  There are times when we do not feel up to brutal honesty.  When my mother used to come through the receiving line at the first church I served, and was just opening her mouth to rate that day’s attempt at preaching, I would hold up my hand and say, “Not until Tuesday.”  I needed some time to rest from my labors and fortify myself for that kind of feedback.

Jesus died for our sins.  He died because of our sins.  The same kinds of sins we struggle with today were precisely those that crucified all that was good, truthful and beautiful in Jesus.  Yet even while we were crucifying him, he forgave us and prayed for us.  He remained capable of being our friend until that time we came to our senses, confessed our sin and became capable of returning his friendship.  He demonstrated the greatest love of all, laying down his life for his friends.

In our text he tells us that he wants us to do the same.  He wants us to love one another as he has loved us.  He wants us to embody the greatest love of all.  He wants us to lay down our lives for our friends.  Who are your friends?  With whom have you become estranged over the intervening years?  What sacrifices are required of you to reestablish that friendship?  Perhaps you must sacrifice some pride in reinitiating contact after a long absence.  Perhaps you must lay down some old grudge.  Perhaps you must forgive as you wish to be forgiven. 

I am guessing that being estranged from former friends has bugged you.  I am guessing that if a former friend telephoned you out of the blue in a spirit of reconciliation, you would welcome such a call.  I am guessing that if you made that call first, you could expect the same welcoming reception from that person too.  I could be wrong but, even if I am, I suspect that you would not regret having made that call.  At least the ball would be in the other person’s court.  At least you would have embodied the greatest love in keeping with Christ’s command. 

That would make you Jesus’ friend.  Even if other friends forsake you, “You’ve Got a Friend” in Jesus.  When you need someone to talk to, “You’ve Got a Friend” in Jesus.  When you need someone to lean on, “You’ve God a Friend” in Jesus.  When you need someone on your side forevermore, “You’ve Got a Friend” in Jesus.  Just about every pop song sentiment relating to friendship can apply to the friendship Jesus holds out to you and me.

In one of Leslie Weatherhead’s books he suggests that the Gospel can be put in six simple words.  He writes: “I suppose to some that Christianity may seem a complicated thing.  There are so many sects and creeds and theologies.  Believe me, I am being very serious when I say that it can all be summarized in the words: Jesus offers his friendship to you.”  And as the hymn proclaims: “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.”